Thursday, July 18, 2013

Hermana Baeza 7/15/2013

Hello everyone!! :)
Thank you Elder Petersen, Sean Hurley, Elder Reid, mommy and the Williams family (Parker's fam) and Sister Tukuafu for the little notes you left me when you came to the VC! It's weird to be back. I also saw Sara and Anthony on Sunday haha! That's what happens when I come back to the VC...I start to see everyone I know again. Sara is from Danville and she's in my new ward! And also in my area!!! Hopefully I'll go over for at least one dinner appointment ;)
This email is going to be shorter because well...I'm back at the VC so there is less to write about. HOWEVER! Lets start from day one.
Day 1: horrible. absolutely miserable! I didn't think coming back would be so hard. I just didn't know what to do with myself...I forgot everything! i just felt useless. it didn't help that my companion could sense that i didn't want to be there. everyone was so nice to me too...which made it worse quite frankly. everyone asked if i was happy to be back and i would just give them the fakest smile haha! i even cried to sister shakespear at the front desk - what's the point of crying in private, right? oh man, i struggled big time.

Day 2: better. or so i thought. i was just a hot mess again that day to my new companion. i felt really bad because i got the feeling that she felt that i didn't want to be with her. she knew how much i loved being in the field and she just felt like i didn't care to come back to the vc or with her. i felt so bad. that night i decided that i needed to change my attitude and just accept this change. for my companions sake and for the area's sake.
Day 3: better. i learned great things from district meeting and was able to get some referrals.
Day 4: 50 minutes late to our first dinner big deal. we mixed up in the time. we did have a lesson with a member present so that was success!
Day 5: such a great day. we gave a tour for some 18 year old boys deciding on when to go on their missions. the spirit was soooo strong! we also visited a former investigator and she told us to come back!! we also met with a family and really got to know them. we tried so hard to teach people but no one was home.
I know that I sound like such a downer but I just really am struggling this week. My tender mercies was finding out that two people that I've taught over the phone have been BAPTIZED! The one that I really taught was Dylan. He was the very last tour I gave at the VC before I went out to the field back in March. I had taught him over the phone a few times and the member who gave me the referral decided to bring him in the VC so I could meet him and teach him in person. It was such a spiritual tour and lesson. My first day back one of the sisters told me he got baptized and I freaked out! I called him and when I told him was me he just gasped super loud haha and was so excited to talk to me! Then I called Andrew, the member who referred him, and he too had the same reaction: gasp and excitement! They are planning on coming tomorrow so I can see them one last time before I leave! Dylan is awesome and already has a calling with the young men!
So, this is how Sister Baeza feels:
I just feel so lost. It's not like I don't know what to do with my time or how to use it, I just don't understand why I would be opening up a new area my last transfer and especially as a VC sister. We average about 2-3 nights in our area a WEEK...we can't teach 15-20 lessons with a schedule like that! I came from having the most success on my mission to an area where we really have no investigators and I'll only go to church 2 or 3 more times just because of our schedule. My companion told me our first night how she was intimidated by me. She told me how amazing I was and how great everyone thinks I am. I just feel stressed living up to others expectations with me and I really what, only have 5 more weeks to do this all? I feel like I have to get everything done and perfect before I leave so I don't leave my companion with still an empty area. It's just so stressful! However, I received personal revelation today as I was attempting to take a nap...
I truly feel like this is Heavenly Father preparing me for when I come home. The feelings that I've been feeling this week are only going to DOUBLE, or even triple when I go home. Heavenly Father doesn't expect me to have "everything done" when I leave this area because it's still going to continue after I leave. I just need to work my hardest, stay focus, follow the spirit, and all will work out. Something that President Weidman said to me in my email from him was, 'I feel that the Lord has a work for you this transfer that only you can do." I just need to keep remembering that.
I love you all so much! I hope you all have a wonderful week!!! I know next week will be better... :)

Hermana Baeza
the one in the purple is my companion! sister quinonez!!

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